Anyone suffering from green guilt?

[Katie]

Having been chatting with a number of ethical brides I am starting to pick up on a rather unpleasant shade of 'green' - the guilty kind!

Brides are beating themselves up over the fact that they didn't find a fair trade dress or they couldn't afford organic food for their wedding.

I say "stop right now"! I've been there and it's not worth it. For example, we intended from the start to have the church and reception venue within walking distance of each other but it didn't work out that way so we had to hire the vintage car my dad had been hankering after!

I felt bad about this for a while - feeling that I had 'failed' in some way but in the end I just had to sit back and enjoy the ride. A wedding is a celebration - don't forget that!

The main thing (and what ethicalweddings.com is all about) is to focus on the positive, all the things you have achieved, rather than obsessing about the things that didn't go exactly to plan.

I really want to get your views on this - ethical and green weddings have been in the news so much this summer they are entering the public consciousness and I am interested to know what effect this is having. I might even write an article about it so watch this space!

So discuss: suffering from green guilt or happy-go-lucky have-a-go-green?!

Katie
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Give everyone something to celebrate!

[Princess Holstar]

I am afraid to say that we are suffering from a major case of 'green guilt'.
I have learned to cope with the fact that my wedding dress is not fair trade by counteracting that with my wedding ring being fair trade gold.

I feel good that we are having our wedding in the same place as our reception, the food is not organic but is all local produce and we have chosen an alternative wedding gift donations instead of presents.


But our honeymoon has caused us the major problems.

We decided that we didn't want to fly so decided to go by ferry to somewhere we haden't ever been and would never go again.
The Norweigen Fjords seemed the perfect beauty spot to go.

Having shared with our guests the reason for this more unusual destination. My husband to be's Uncle , replied that he was very surprised by our decision due to their opinions on whaling !

We obviously agree that this policy is disgusting.

But where can we go ?

The French eat horses and Fois Gras.
The Spanish think bull fighting is acceptable.

So in an attempt to be more green we have infact compromised our views even more.

My future husband was really upset about this comment.

Can you think of anything we can do to apease our conscience ?

Guilt ridden, trying to be Green bride !

[fiddlesticks]

I didn't feel guilty about the wedding we had in April at all - until I read some of the weddings the members on here have planned. I can see we could be greener. Our priorities were based on the day we wanted and if it fitted in with our ethical thoughts then great, BUT my view has been throughout (and actually still is) that a wedding is a once in a lifetime thing. I'm not starting unethical habits by not buying fair trade dress, neither am I a dreadful person and should start berating myself over it. I wore the dress that suited me! One set of invites (handmade by a friend using ethically sourced paper etc) isn't going to destroy a rain forest honest. As to the honeymoon we went to Southern Ireland via ferry and car. You could argue that the greenest solution is to stay at home! But I come back to my point about it being a once in a lifetime experience, and needing to be special.

Princess Holstar, I think with respect you're tying yourself in unnecessary knots, weddings are stressfull enough. Going to Spain doesn't mean you support bull fighting! Norway sounds lovely, go and enjoy it if its the place you'd really like to go. No country is perfect - are you going to say that a holiday in this country is a bad idea because we're so poor at recycling or oh I dunno support the war in Iraq? Relax, set your OWN ethical standards and then stick to them. Everything is a compromise afterall. Perhaps flying and planting some trees on your return would help you find somewhere nice to go and relax. Good luck with your plans!
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You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

[Katie]

Good points Julie - it is a very special day and you should enjoy it! We went to Costa Rica for our honeymoon - long haul flights but a once in a lifetime experience - especially as we usually go to Cornwall for our holidays! Katie
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Give everyone something to celebrate!

[Berry]

Fiddlesticks has got a point about enjoying the day and doing as much as you can do.

I think that I've set my sights too high so keep getting disappointed when I can't fulfill them - but I'm learning to compromise! Currently finding material for my dress is proving stressful, I don't know if everyone has received their email invites and I'm struggling to work out how to decorate a room without spending a fortune on decorative plastic rubbish no doubt made in China! I also find it stressful trying to 'justify' my choice of wedding whilst also hoping that it doesn't look ameteurish and lame when the day comes!

It would be so much more easy to arrange a wedding by the book, I for one am cursing myself that I'm not the kind of person that takes the easy option! That said everyone's been really supportive (or at least hasn't made too much fun) - my aunt is even thinking about making her own eco-friendly outfit for the wedding! This website has also helped me feel that I'm not alone in my quest!

Princess Holstar, your honeymoon sounds wonderful! Norway is stunning and Fiddlesticks has a point - no country is going to standup 100% under an ethical microscope.

Personally I think we should be congratulated for even considering, and if possible, implementing, ethical options for our weddings, there are too many people that don't even give them a second thought.

[Lizzie]

Not only do I have a worry about not being green enough, I am worried about coming accross as a complete green fascist! I want everyone to be green with me, but I am worried my guests are not going to care and drive the 5 min walk between venues rather than walk in high heels!! Do I make people walk or just let them drive?

I am envious of others who have had 'greener' weddings!

But at the end of the day I agree with everyone that you should enjoy your day and celebrate the fact that you did your green best!

Green luck,

Lizzie

[fiddlesticks]

[Berry]

Paul's all for dictating his 'green facism'!!! Our invites are a little preachy I suppose (and I struggled hard to word it) but this is part of our invite wording:

" We want this wedding to reflect our values as far as possible. As such we would like to limit the environmental impact of our wedding, therefore please consider things such as the use of public transport or car-sharing if at all practical. Our intention is to walk between venues. "

We're envisaging a small wedding procession through the glamorous streets of Reading with coloured brollies if it's raining. We're also thinking it'll make for some fab pictures!

Obviously some people might have mobility issues through a disibility or 4 inch heels and if people want to drive then fine - if it's absolutely chucking it down I haven't ruled out hitching a lift with someone myself! I think it's hard not to 'dictate', but those people that know and love us have been preached at for a good few years already and quite frankly wouldn't expect less from us! They're all adults, they can choose to ignore our wishes or make fun or whatever - I take comfort in the fact that we tried and we're being true to ourselves.

AND we've already had a few acceptances already so we can't have put them off too much!

[Lizzie]

Dear Guest,
We are doing our best to make this day as eco friendly as possible; we would really appreciate it if you could help us do this.
Jesus College are helping create a menu that is as fair trade and organic as possible, using produce from local suppliers and farmers and seasonal varieties of food. The coffee and tea will be fair trade or organic and so too will be the wine and wedding cake!
We are hoping to cut down the CO2 emissions by opting for a horse and carriage instead of a car, (or that maybe just because the Bride loves horses)! We would like to encourage others to share car journeys and the distance from Jesus College to the Georgina is about a 2 minute walk!
The florist we have chosen is helping us save on the wastage of the day by decorating the tables with pot plants which we would really love you to take away with you at the end of the day. We would recommend organic confetti that is easily biodegradable.
All stationery is printed on recycled paper.
We have chosen cutlery and crockery from UK producers and manufacturers, as well as some items from eco/ethical websites for our wedding list....

[Katie]

I have started a new Forum 'room' called 'The Borrower Bride' here.

The purpose of this room is to post up wedding items that you are happy for others to borrow for their weddings. Unless you arrange otherwise we will assume that the borrower will collect the item from the lender.

To start the ball rolling I have a couple of dresses I will post up. Just have to get some pics of them!

Happy borrowing!

Katie
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Give everyone something to celebrate!

[SkepChic]

I think the green movement in general gets obsessed with purity and depravation. My sweetheart works for an environmental non-profit and we are both commited environmentalists, but it's important to remember not to get all sour about it either. Why do we love our earth, after all? No just because it sustains us, but because it brings us joy and wonder. If even our sacred celebrations become sources of anxiety and guilt, we need to change our thinking, IMHO.

We are doing what we can, and what can can't afford to do, we're not. I don't feel guilty about it.

[Katie]

[Lizzie]

Hi Katie,

Great idea about the Borrowing Bride. Can we start another one for people to post about suppliers for green things, like confetti (if we ever find one) and dress makers (Wholey Jo's) etc... I can post some wedding horse and carriages I have collected info for, and we can post about Majestic organic silk and Green Fibers...etc etc

I think it would be a great idea if there was a central point of contact for future brides, and for those of us who have already sourced green things to post our findings for others.

Whadda think?

Lizzie xxx

[Katie]

[Katie]

As I mentioned in my first post in this thread, I am thinking about putting an article together on the idea of 'green guilt' and how to overcome it!

If anyone in this thread does not want to be quoted, please let me know.

Alternatively, I can quote you and just say 'one bride commented...'.

Let me know what you think.

Cheers,

Katie
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Give everyone something to celebrate!

[fiddlesticks]

[Katie]

It's early days at the moment but possibly one of the nationals - if it is of interest. As you know, there has been a lot in the press this year about 'green' weddings and I am concerned some people might get the impression that it's all becoming too 'holier than thou'.

Katie
_________________
Give everyone something to celebrate!

[Lizzie]

I know this is a late reply to this thread, but I was worried about what my guests would do/think about the green/eco stuff...well...my father praised it in his speech, and some of the guests posted their replies in the same envelop that they were sent the invite in and quoting "We are reusing the envelop to keep in the spirit of things!" I was very touched!

[roslily]

I am feeling green guilt at the moment over my dress. I want a beuatiful dress, not over extravagent, but something special. I just don't think I can afford to have one made (my budget is £200) and so far trips to Oxfam have not proved successful!!

So this may be one area that I have to give up on.

[Jen]

Roslily, if you go to Jo Mackin (Wholley Jo's) and tell her your budget you may find she can help you. She has a lot of different fabrics, and while they are all ethically produced in one way or another, some are cheaper than others. She might be able to work out a way you can have a dress made for under £200 or she might be able to alter/decorate one you have already bought quite cheaply.

I can't be sure about this, but I am having my dress made by Jo and, although I am lucky enough to have slightly more than £200 to play with, I got the impression from looking through her samples that dresses could be done more cheaply if you had to, and would still look really lovely.

Good luck